For those interested, I'll be getting back to my Pick O' The Week on a more regular schedule (i.e. WEEKLY!
) soon, but in the meantime, here are some things I use to shut down unwanted conversations. They may be rude and offensive, but I think they're smashing and useful!
"You know, I've got a scab shaped like Mother Theresa."
"Would you mind holding my colostomy bag while you're standing here?"
"Of course I wouldn't mind hearing about your last boyfriend. Want to hear about my list of restraining orders?"
"I like you. You're funny. Stop laughing at me!"
"You're boring me, so let's just end this before I die from lack-of-interest."
"The best thing I got from smoking? My stoma!"
"I can chew gum with my navel."
"I like you best when you're not here."
"Keep talking. It drowns out the voices in my head."
"Comparing rashes is SOOOOOOOOO sexy!"
"Are you SURE you don't want to be Saved?"
"You're here and I've got one bullet left. Coincidence?"
"Jesus talked to me the other day. He told me to tell you to cut it out."
"I like bagels."
"May I have your socks?"
"Someone needs a hug!"
As always, please feel free to add your own.
Peace, love, and obnoxiousness.