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#123724 - 03/13/05 04:32 AM Should I report obscene phone call from kid?
kolisha54 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/03
Posts: 475
Loc: Brooklyn, NY
WHOA! Talk about triggers!!!

Here I am at home on a Saturday night with a throbbing sinus headache & I get what appears to be a wrong number on my caller ID. A very young boy's voice comes on my message machine & it is UNBELIEVABLE what comes out of this kid's mouth!!! Violent, threatening, mysogynistic, HATEFUL!!! I get on the phone & I hiss back at him: "Punk! I've got your number & I'm calling the police." He hangs up.

Yeah - I called the police & the phone company. The phone company won't do anything unless I file a police report. According to the police, this is classified as "Aggrevated Assault" & the kid will end up in "juvie court." I will have to go down to the precinct tomorrow to file a report because this is a serious crime.

Sigh.

I have already been sexually assaulted 3 times & nearly didn't live through the 3rd time. What the rapist didn't finish, my experiences in the court system did: my PTSD has developed, in large part, from having lost my case in court & seeing myself accused of stupidity at best, "asking for it" at worst.

So - what do I do now?

If I put in this report, I am assured that I will no longer be anonymous. If I lose that protection, there is no telling what could happen to me.

This is, after all, New York City. Our crime statistics have dropped, but that doesn't mean I won't be one of them.

Just last week, I was pretty much "stalked" by a nut-job in the subway who followed me from spot to spot on the platform as I tried to evade him and then followed me into the subway car I ended up riding in.

It has taken me DAYS to calm down from this last incident - and now THIS has to happen!

Is this just my fate? To be forever prey?

I am just beside myself right now. Don't know what to do.

If I let this kid go, he will probably just do something worse. If he eventually goes to detention, he will just end up being a more efficient criminal.

What do I do?????

_________________________
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now... when? --Hillel

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#123725 - 03/13/05 04:50 AM Re: Should I report obscene phone call from kid?
Pollyanna Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/10/03
Posts: 211
Loc: Missouri
Hey Kolisha,

This just happened to some friends of ours. The girl kept calling them back, so they reported it. Thank Bell for caller ID. Chances are, unless the kid just blindly dialed a number, he may do it repeatedly to you too. Usually they are just doing it to be stupid and get a reaction, but it isn't legal, and they need to learn that. The girl who was calling my friends sure doesn't do that any more. Her parents weren't too crazy about finding a police officer at the door, with a detailed "tran>
_________________________
"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up."

Anne Lamott

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#123726 - 03/13/05 04:57 AM Re: Should I report obscene phone call from kid?
kolisha54 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/03
Posts: 475
Loc: Brooklyn, NY
Thanks much - I wish I could put this into perspective, but that's the legacy of violence & traumatic reaction. Logically, I know there is NO WAY the kid could ever get inside this building to hurt me - as long as he doesn't know who I am.

But once I report it, I will worry every single minute! Have only recently learned not to be looking over my shoulder every 2 seconds & still cannot bear the sound of footsteps in back of me on the street.

Hate to winge out of my responsibility, though: I DO think these things will escalate if they aren't stopped at the outset - but who is to say that THIS kid's family is going to care what he's up to? I have no way to evaluate my risk - I think the uncertainty & the incredible violence of the language is going to keep me up all night.

But - am comforted to know you are "out there!"

Thanks!!!

_________________________
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now... when? --Hillel

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#123727 - 03/13/05 05:09 AM Re: Should I report obscene phone call from kid?
Aden Offline
Member

Registered: 07/05/04
Posts: 499
I am here as well.


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#123728 - 03/13/05 05:18 AM Re: Should I report obscene phone call from kid?
kolisha54 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/03
Posts: 475
Loc: Brooklyn, NY
Feel so defiled - this is repulsive.

But - having Y'ALL out there really helps (although in my present state, I feel so gross that I can't imagine why anyone would ever want to "talk" to me...)

Isn't this why we're all here though?

We've ALL been "here" too too too many times.

_________________________
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now... when? --Hillel

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#123729 - 03/13/05 05:27 AM Re: Should I report obscene phone call from kid?
Aden Offline
Member

Registered: 07/05/04
Posts: 499
Do you have a friend that you could spend the night with? One time when my business was almost robbed, the would be thieves tried to follow me home. I went to stay with friends. It helped a lot. There was no real risk but it was a comfort. There is nothing wrong with asking for comfort from friends and family when things like this happen.

I realize that this is only a temporary solution. When you have had time to think things thru the situation may seem less threatening. Or at least your course of action will be clearer.


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#123730 - 03/13/05 03:45 PM Re: Should I report obscene phone call from kid?
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
(((((((((((Kolisha)))))))))))

I wish I could do something to make you feel safer. There's no excuse, not even youthful ignorence, for what that frigging kid did.

One part of me, and you'll forgive me for being sexist, wants to ask you for the number so I can call the little (deleted) and tell him (or his parents) I know what he's up to and I can find him no matter where HE is. Make HIS life miserable.

However, I know you don't want me to do that, and the higher nature of my mind just keeps telling me I have to be better than that.

I'm here with you. I want you to feel safe. I owe you at least that much.

(And if you DO want me to kick his (deleted) or rat him out to his folks, well that's just aces too.

Love,

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#123731 - 03/13/05 04:17 PM Re: Should I report obscene phone call from kid?
kolisha54 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/03
Posts: 475
Loc: Brooklyn, NY
Thanks - \:\)

But isn't it funny how violence breeds violence - even in such a gentle, loving soul as you????

Have decided to go ahead with the report - but had an unexpected new twist this morning: I had called my local precinct to find out the best procedure for making the report (on a practical level, there is the issue of "do I really want to have to listen to that taped message again in order to report it? do I want detectives coming into my home? will they have to come here anyway even if I go down to the precinct to make the report?")

At any rate, the officer who answered the phone was the biggest B*&CH I have encountered in a very loooooong time! Can you imagine? There I was, as calm as I could be, asking for advice on the correct procedure - her response to me was: "I don't care WHAT you do, Ma'am!!!"

Can you believe it?

I really thought "we" were waaaaayyyy beyond this!

So now I have ended up putting in a complaint to the civilian complaint review board!

Just imagine if I had had no "education" in these matters & didn't understand the impact of "secondary wounding???" Just imagine if I had actually been physically assaulted????

UGH!!!

Maybe, in a "karmic" sense (if I am using that word correctly) THIS was why the whole incident happened in the first place: just imagine what harm could come to our world if I was the kind of person to just let these things go without challenge????

I just hope & pray that I am not going to put myself in physical danger now. I know I will now be even MORE hyper-vigilent that I already am.



_________________________
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now... when? --Hillel

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#123732 - 03/13/05 05:42 PM Re: Should I report obscene phone call from kid?
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Kolisha54 - Thanks for sharing your experiences! I am also glad you are strong enough to pursue this recent abuse perped on you by some kid!! I also agree that if we can "give a psychological wedgie" to one kid about the seriousness of his actions, then we have begun to take back our life and control what we will not let people do to us!! I encourage your pursuit of the matter and if worry keeps at you, you know we are here!!

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#123733 - 03/13/05 05:48 PM Re: Should I report obscene phone call from kid?
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Not that I would say to do this but how funny would it be to do a backward director and get his address and send a copy of the tape to his folks. Sorry to make light of what you are going through. I am very sorry for this going on. Be safe and as always take care of yourself first and for most. Have you used your call block feature on your phone to make sure he doesnt call you back? ((hugs))

James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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