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#123640 - 03/03/05 01:25 AM why cant I stand up to my boss?!?!?!
cpt. confusion Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/04
Posts: 159
Loc: midwest
I don't understand why I can't stand up to my boss, and hold him accountable for the promises that he makes. I work for a small mortgage company, only 3 of us in the office. On several occaisions my boss has promised to do several different things for us, but he wont follow through because hes too busy being a tight wad cheap ass! If it means digging in his pocket for anything he finds a way out, even if its about something that he brought up himself. Hes promised to get me licensed, so i filled out the forms, gave them to him like 3 months ago, and he still hasnt signed them and sent em in. He promised to set up a regular pay period, and take taxes out for us... he wont do that because it'll screw him over on the way he (fraudulently) does his damn taxes. Hes promised us health insurance... he started researching it and when he found out how much it would cost him, he suddenly dropped the subject! I basically do all the work on everything that we do for buisiness, and then i only get to collect a small percentage of the payoff while he fills his pockets till they overflow. I know he should be making more mony than I, its his business, and thats fine with me, but at least acknowledge the work I put in, and pay me what is due. Hes promised so much other stuff, and then when it comes time to hold him accountable he makes up some lame excuse, and says hes workin on it, and it continues to go on undone... Then when there i something that I may have overlooked, he makes me feel like an idiot! I have been on him for so long now about everything, but its getting to the point where I'm starting to feel I cant approach him anymore about it, and if I do, whats the fuckin point?! This is definitely one of the drawbacks for working with such a small company... and for such a crooked man. His business ethics are non-existent, and I refuse to follow his lead. He'll pretty much screw over anyone that crosses his path if it means makin and extra buck, but when it comes tim to pay from his pocket, FORGET IT! it just pisses me off to think that I am the reason that he is making the money he is, cause he does NOTHING to work on the loan that we do... but he gets to bank on it. I really dont want to leave the job because there are some benefits of working for a small company, and I like the idea of being self employed, and this is as close as I'll get to that at this point in my life. I hate thinking of looking for jobs and workin on my resume, and learning something new, adn starting over. I held 5 different jobs last year alone, its time to start going somewhere with a real career... i gues i have to ask myself am I on the right stepping stone with this job?

AAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! sorry guys, just really frustrated rightnow, and I dont know what to do... suggestions are welcome and appreciated...

take care,
cpt.

_________________________
"Look at every path closely and deliberately, then ask ourselves this crucial question: Does this path have a heart? If it does, then the path is good. If it doesn't, it is of no use."
-Carlos Castaneda

*WoR Alum
Sequoia I-March '11
Alta II, September '11

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#123641 - 03/04/05 07:28 PM Re: why cant I stand up to my boss?!?!?!
dwf Offline
Moderator/BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1223
Loc: Austin, Texas USA
Hey cpt.

I think your concerns are very legitimate about your boss.

And your hesitation about confronting/leaving are really understandable.

In some ways I feel like the sexual abuse in my early life left me poorly prepared to face up to any type of authority figures.

I know that almost all men have some problems in dealing with bosses, judges, cops, doctors etc. etc. But I think for those of us who were sexually abused by men in authority over us (i.e. any adult), the difficulty is somehow magnified.

A lot of times, when I am not sure of how to proceed with facing a problem like this, I will try a different approach than what seems to be what I "have to do".

In a case like this , where I can boil it down to "confront or not confront", or "stay or leave", it is good for me to consider that there are others things I can do, especially if I am feeling particularly hesitant about my actions and only if I am not in any immediate danger.

One of the tools like that is to talk it out or write it out with understanding people. That you have just done, so congratulations.

Oftentimes just clearing my head of the emotions and thoughts will help me see my way clearly.

Whatever else though, focusing on ways that I can take care of myself, comfort myself, soothe myself, reassure myself--just be good to myself--is always a good way to approach any problem.

Whichever decision I choose, or not choosing at all, I will be better off and able to handle it if I am in a good frame of mind.

So I will listen to my favorite music, treat myself to something special that I know I will enjoy, it could be a walk or a trip to the bowling alley. Most of all I think of myself in terms of care and kindness, as a man who deserves to be treated well.

It's amazing how after a few days or weeks of treating myself like that, it will just naturally occur that I find myself in the solution to my problem.

Hope any of this is helpful to you. I know I find myself in your position quite a bit and I am learning to do what's best for me--and finding out that what's best for me is what's best for all in the end.

Take care, and keep us posted as to the progress.

Thanks for posting,

Regards,

_________________________
"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White

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#123642 - 03/07/05 04:22 AM Re: why cant I stand up to my boss?!?!?!
cpt. confusion Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/04
Posts: 159
Loc: midwest
just wanted to post a short update...

posting this initially really helped me vent out the frustrations, and clear my head a bit. thats really just what I needed. there are still some unresolved issues between me and my boss, but, i was able to get some of the stuff resolved, and put some things in motion. First, and to me most importantly, I am finally getting some health insurance. I'm setting it up myself, but he is going to reimburse me half of the cost every month, so I'm happy about that. Secondly I am getting my license to originate loans in the state of Illinois, something that should have been done a while ago. i was able to discuss some other small issues that have been buggin me, but a few things went unmentioned... I'm not gonna ignore them though, when the time is right I'll blow them out in the open. either way, I feel much better about htings, and I'm finally going to be getting some of the things I deserve! \:\) Thanks danny for the reply, and the advice, much appreciated. I tried to pamper myself a bit this weekend, but when I tried to buy myself some new shoes I couldnt find ones I really liked! I hate shopping... I'm too picky \:\) .

Take care guys,
cpt.

_________________________
"Look at every path closely and deliberately, then ask ourselves this crucial question: Does this path have a heart? If it does, then the path is good. If it doesn't, it is of no use."
-Carlos Castaneda

*WoR Alum
Sequoia I-March '11
Alta II, September '11

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