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#123569 - 02/24/05 04:09 PM how i got motivated today
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
i wrote about my painful day yesterday

last night i made a plan of some things
i would do this morning -

i did them - went to the post office -
went to the beach for a morning walk
went for a coffee at the deli i usually go
to -

i found myself though - without much of a plan after that - and when i came home - the memories started to invade some - the sense of insecurity about being somehow a bad guy - or doomed -
came up - so i sat down with some apple sauce
and began to watch morning television in bed -


i knew that i was pretty much reeling from the pain of yesterday still - with the momentum -
having fallen away - feeling a little blown out inside - i knew also i had to clean up and put things in order so that i could indeed keep at life.

it was hard - but then i knew i had to make a fantasy - for some reason -
i remembered when i was a kid -
i loved to play house -

in kindergarten -

so i put on some music that seemed to be a good gentle classical music to work a day to - that's just my thing -

to play house to -
oddly it worked -

so i thought to hand it off -

talk to you guys later -

m

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#123570 - 02/24/05 04:23 PM Re: how i got motivated today
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
fantasy was not allowed as a child -
this seems to be good for me -

what do you think of the post?

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#123571 - 02/24/05 06:26 PM Re: how i got motivated today
ForeverFighting Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 1058
Loc: New Mexico, USA
As much as feeling what we need to feel helps, it is nice to take a break from time to time. I zombie out watching scifi or work in the yard getting my back yard forest under control. We used to have a couple of horses, which I enjoyed. Anything to take the break. And taking the break for me means staying away from my artistic side. That side feels way too much. And as far as imagination goes, I lived in a dissociative state until I was about 25, so going there is a tough thing to do.

Good post. I hope your days go well for you.

_________________________
ForeverFighting

"This search for the truth--it's not for the faint of heart."--Goren on 'Law & Order: CI'
"The former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart."--Isaiah 65:17

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#123572 - 02/24/05 06:34 PM Re: how i got motivated today
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
wow -
thanks foreverfighting

markgb

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#123573 - 02/24/05 06:59 PM Re: how i got motivated today
dwf Offline
Moderator/BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1223
Loc: Austin, Texas USA
How good to read your words this morning, mgb.

I've had a bit of a roller coaster ride these last couple of days myself.

Your relaxed way playing house is a good reminder that I need at times to just let myself be.

Thanks for being here today.

Regards,

_________________________
"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White

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#123574 - 02/24/05 07:32 PM Re: how i got motivated today
theo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 1122
mark,
that was a wonderful way to experience something so tedious , just kidding. i have kept little theo silent for so long thinking it was what we all three needed. reading your post has started some ideas rolliing about how i can let little theo abd little warrior out to play somehow. i use to color withe some children i used to know, and play some games like candyland (god, did i just admit that in public lol?). i need to find some other way to connect with them outside the abuse, and your post started me thinking on that again. thank you, mark. take care, bro.

_________________________
journey well,
theo dewolfe

- It is gift, and gift will find its way
- I inherit through my choice. I build through my affirmation. It is through my freedom that I nurture, or fade into autonomy
- I was not given to serve life, but to embrace it

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#123575 - 02/24/05 07:47 PM Re: how i got motivated today
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
gosh theo! i remember candy land!!!!!

anyway - the fantasy thing is still working -
cause it is helping mcontinue the structure of my day -
i have been doing everything and it all has been
quite fun -:-)and peaceful -

mgb

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#123576 - 02/24/05 07:48 PM Re: how i got motivated today
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
well mostly everything :-$

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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