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#122604 - 11/17/06 07:23 AM Discussion Board Culture
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
A word to some at this site:

Please, if you see I, or someone else, started a new topic to ask for support, don't start describing your painful situations and discussing them among yourself. It is not fair in regard of the topic starter.

I have faced it several times. I get angry.

By doing what you have done, you don't help survivors. You can help them by listening and giving your advice if you can.

Please learn about the discussion board culture and effects of the CSA on male survivors. Do that.

Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
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When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

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#122605 - 11/17/06 09:34 AM Re: Discussion Board Culture
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Alexey,

You raise a very valid point. This place is about 2 things as I see it. One is learning about our own abuse and how to recover from it. The other thing is learning how to be supportive and kind to others (something survivors can have difficulty doing because of trust issues).

What you are speaking about Alexey is the second one. It can really be hurtful when someone takes a thread you started and turns it into something all about them instead of being supportive and offering thoughts and suggestions on what to do or how to look at it in another way.

I know that happens here, and I think perhaps the thing we need to do is quietly let a mod know if it happens a lot, especially if it is maybe one person that seems to do it most. Perhaps we can help them learn better boundaries.

Thanks for bringing this up.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#122606 - 11/17/06 06:28 PM Re: Discussion Board Culture
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
I hear you Alexey.

I know I have done that as well. Added perhaps my own story - yet earnestly trying to offer my own insights by referring to a similair personal experience as the post maker's. This though may sound condescending or comparative so - it's a tough thing.

I hear you though that it is best not to derail the topic or the focus of the request.

I think it's an important request.

I know - boundaries - are an important issue.

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#122607 - 11/17/06 09:14 PM Re: Discussion Board Culture
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Alexey, some times I find myself doing it, but never intentionally.
Its called hijacking posts, but sometimes you just want to let someone get your own take on the situation.

If you see it happening politely try and turn the post back around to its original meaning.
Quite often, posts have turned into battle grounds if someone hijacks it.

Thanks for the heads up,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#122608 - 11/17/06 09:39 PM Re: Discussion Board Culture
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
Thanks Ste, Mark, John.

I know that you understand me.

I raised this point when again I started a topic in one section and I really wanted to be supported, but people seemed to take advantage of it, and I was denied in my needs. It is true. I felt it.

Thanks for support in the moment hard for me.

Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

Top
#122609 - 11/17/06 09:49 PM Re: Discussion Board Culture
Paul1959 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/17/06
Posts: 525
Loc: NYC
Alexey,
I think it happens and most people have no idea what they did. Thank you for so kindly pointing it out as you have. I remember that being one of the points you made when you created your Russian survivor website - and I had never read that on this site. Perhaps a few pointers of etiquette would be helpful here!
Take care of yourself...as you have just done!
Paul


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#122610 - 11/22/06 08:50 PM Re: Discussion Board Culture
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
Thank you Paul.

Yes, I think sometimes people (and I myself) can "hijack" posts without realizing someone hopes for it. That is the point to learn from, especially if you were in the situation like this.

Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

Top
#122611 - 11/22/06 10:48 PM Re: Discussion Board Culture
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Alexey, its easy to do, as you are typing into an empty box and do not have the original thread in display.

If I am conscious of it, I would tell the original poster, but I have short memory, and sometimes it means I cannot remember what the post was really about, and it also stops me reading what a post is getting at :p

Thats me,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#122612 - 11/24/06 06:07 PM Re: Discussion Board Culture
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
Take care, Ste. Don't blame yourself, please.

Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

Top
#122613 - 11/24/06 11:57 PM Re: Discussion Board Culture
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
if i am guilty of this offence please forgive me.......steve...i will try and be more aware


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