Hey, I wasn't sure where to post this question and I'm not sure that this is the place to ask, but- well perhaps I should give a small introduction first.
I've been in therapy for some time now after I was suicidal in high school. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and have been told by two different psychiatrists that I might be borderline. The therapist I was last seeing (I stopped about two months ago for reasons I won't go into) revealed to me she suspected I might be a victim of sexual abuse.
I had considered this before- I was, as a child, very obsessed with sex, and have memories that may or may not be true of, let's say, compromising situations. While I don't remember anything in particular that is innately sexual (sort of), these memories (not really flashbacks) fill me with shame and apprehension.
Thinking about this with a new level of seriousness after my therapist said what she did, I began to look at what the symptoms of sexual abuse were- short term and long term. Shockingly, I seem to exhibit nearly every symptom I could find. I lack flashbacks, I think (I don't know exactly what the experience of a flashback is like) and I don't have nightmares so much as extremely odd, highly metaphysical dreams.
I have a list from Campus Blues
Campusblues.com that includes pretty much every symptom I've found. I won't go through the entire list, but let's just say that I pretty much agree with most of these. One thing I didn't see much of on here was anxiety- I've got a terrible anxiety disorder too.
My question, then, is: If I'm exhibiting all of the symptoms of childhood sexual abuse, does this necessarily mean I was abused as a child? What else might cause these types of symptoms- both the immediate and later-in-life ones?
I apologize for both my grammatical errors and lengthly letter. I'm up very late and in a not-so -great frame of mind. I didn't know where else to go- I happened to find your site through Wikipedia.