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#121701 - 01/27/04 09:44 PM Off topic- Chat Room
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
This may sound like sedition but I feel I have to do it. I would like every single member or guest to post here about how Chat has benefited them and why they feel it is necessary to keep. I know for a fact that it helped me when I came here and was fragile.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#121702 - 01/27/04 09:53 PM Re: Off topic- Chat Room
Yves Offline
Member

Registered: 11/26/03
Posts: 93
Loc: Canada
I needed a friend. Someone I could confide in. Someone that knew how I was feeling. Someone that had been through it, could relate, and could pass along coping strategies and share stories of triumph over the wrongness and horror of what was done to us. Someone whom I could help, on a level that I knew. Everyone needs someone; everyone needs to be needed. A friend needed me. I needed a friend. I found one... then two... then three...

~Yves

_________________________
You know you love someone when you want them to be happy even though their happiness means you're not part of it. ~Author Unknown~

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#121703 - 01/27/04 09:54 PM Re: Off topic- Chat Room
jimrh Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/22/03
Posts: 273
Loc: Roswell, GA
Very simply, the MS.org chat room is the place where I met my very best friend in the whole world. Even though I've never met him in person, he is my best friend. He was there when I needed him most and was on the edge of suicide.

Surely the benefits of keeping this chat room open far outweigh anything negative. This past year has been a tremendous challenge to me and without the chat room and the folks there just to chat when I needed it most, I don't know where I'd be.

Please don't throw away such a good thing. Please.


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#121704 - 01/27/04 10:01 PM Re: Off topic- Chat Room
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
dan_in_newengland
New Here
Member # 417

posted January 27, 2004 08:54 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I will start, 18 months ago, I was feeling low. Looked on the internet for "male sexual abuse" from yahoo I think. The link made me come here. I read some posts, and got the guts to go into chat. Chat has helped me more than it has hurt. and it hurt sometimes !!
overall I vote it stays
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posts: 12 | From: Mass | IP: Logged |

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#121705 - 01/27/04 10:43 PM Re: Off topic- Chat Room
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I first come here after talking some with a friend, he is also survivor who comes here. I was not able to register to the message board for several weeks, for some reason. So chat room, it was all that was open to me during that time, other then reading messages I could not respond to. There have been events there that have been uncomfortable at times. But even then, for one negative person, there were four or five who were supporting and helping me, and it felt like safety, to be able to deal with fear and have those to help. When I have bad situation few week ago, it was in chat room I could go, and get advice from very good people, to get myself safe and take better care of myself physicaly. I am very upset by what is to be done, to shut down that area. But of course, if it is necessary, it must be done. But why is it people most affected by this are not given reason or explanation of it? That is not right thing. It seems people in charge, they have no concern of the people that have most problems, the people they are meant to be keeping safe and help. It is again betrayal of trust, to people who have had that happen so much already. It is wrong. Andrei


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#121706 - 01/27/04 11:56 PM Re: Off topic- Chat Room
Reader2002 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/10/03
Posts: 6
Loc: Midwest
To me, the bulletin board was informative and provided an opportunity to post. However, the chat room gave this site a unique opportunity for people to communicate.

I'm not exactly sure where the concern is regarding safety considerations. I've spent a lot of time at this site recently and listening to others talk about their experiences gives me strength.

Admittedly, I'm still learning how to talk about and work through my experiences. I have so much to learn and still don't quite know how to talk about things or even ask the right questions... but I'm learning, and I'm trying. The time spent listening to people in chat has provided the perspective that counselors never provided and allowed me to share my thoughts and feelings in a way I've never been able to do before.

It was my hope that by sending a donation to this site (although not a really large one), that not only would this site still exist, but the functionality of the site would remain intact.

Without the chat room, it is very likely that I will not be visiting this site very often.

Thanks everyone for helping me with this step of the journey and for the understanding and compassion that I have received. God bless and good luck to everyone.

_________________________
Reader2002

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#121707 - 01/28/04 01:27 AM Re: Off topic- Chat Room
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
I registered here in April of 2002. One of the first places I went was the chat room. At that time there were days and times for the chats. The first time I went to the chat room was the day before a schedule chat. At that time there was two people in the chat room. of course they said hi to me and not seeing my name there before asked me if I was new. After telling them I was they both took the time to try to help me in any way they could. I came back the next night during the scheduled time. At that time I started to share my story for the first time to someone other than my wife. Light fang was the mod at the time and so he asked me to move to the ďtree houseĒ so we did. Not only did Light fang go but so did all the men that were in the chat room at the time. One of these men was one that I met the night before. So I told about my abuse my life my fears my shame my anger everything. This was the very first time I ever talked about my abuse in this detail. Light fang gave me some 800 numberís for me to call to find a t. The guys in the room gave me the time to talk about what was going on. They understood, I knew that other boyís had been abused but to find them and be able to talk to them in real time. After that first night I chatted as much as I could. Yes I posted as well, but at that time in my life the chat room was my only real outlet for talking about my abuse and learning that I wasnít alone anymore and that I could heal. Up to that point I thought the weight of my abuse would kill me. In that first month I learned more about me than I ever thought passable. Over the course of the next two years the friends I made in the chat room helped more than I would put into words. When my daughter got pregnant and then lost the baby. The chat room was my only outlet to express my feelings of my teenage daughter going to be a Mom and then the sorrow of her losing the baby. Then as soon as October of last year when my wife went off the deep end and said some things to me that cut to my very soul, and went to jail for assaulting me and through my divorce just this month it has been the men in the chat room that has helped keep me grounded. If not for this means of venting my feeling Iím not sure I would have ever started my journey to recovery or lived through some of the crisisís Iíve faced. Now one of the men that was in the chat room that first night is now the person I call my best friend. Now to some that may not seem like that big of a deal to have a best friend. But for me it is. Iíve never ever had anyone I felt I could trust enough to open up to the way I have this man. Not to mention that I have always had a real hard time trusting men in general and the chat room gave me a way to help me see that not all men are out to hurt me in a safe environment. While the message board is a great source of support and information it doesnít compare to the chat room. The chat room helped me gain the understanding that Iím not alone that I can and will heal from my abuse. The courage to start my healing. Without it I honestly believe that the issueís caused by my abuse would have killed me (more than likely at my own hands). It was the support and friends from the chat room that helped me get to where I am today. While I know I have a ways to go I know understand I can get there and it was the chat room that helped me learn that. I hope that the powers to be find a way to keep the chat open. Itís a service that more and more men are using. I see it all the time when I log in and see more and more names logged in. Sad that they need a web site such as this. But there is a lot of us that the chat room on MS has been not only a means of support but a life saver as well. So please find some way to keep this resource alive for us. Thank you for letting me say this.
James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#121708 - 01/28/04 02:15 AM Re: Off topic- Chat Room
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
The chat room is my friend, a place of solace when I need it.

I can connect more on a personal level in the chat room than on the boards and through PMís. PMís are so impersonal and choppy. Opening up to others takes time, in the chat room that is what we have. The time to make friends, the time to warm up to someone, to see what they really are, the time to learn and trust again. Things I hope to take into the real world, to be able to talk with people in person. To be able to carry on a conversation while looking someone in the face. With the help of the guys in the chat room, I am closer than I have ever been.

I have spent many hours chatting to a great number of great people. These have been hours well spent. I have learned so much about myself during those chats. When I first came to the chat almost seven months ago, I spent an entire evening talking to wonderful man in Texas, I learned so much about myself in those hours. How without the chat room would I have been able to do that? How would I have come to understand my addiction in such a short period of time? Iíve never been to Texas and I would have never talked about that subject in person.

Some nights are light-hearted, giving me a chance to laugh. I rarely get the chance to laugh. I need to be able to laugh.

I have brought myself into the chat room in tears, and the friendship found there have dried them up. I have gone into the chat room shaking in fear, and come out with a smile. That cannot be done on the boards.

I use the chat room to share my concerns and stories of abuse, giving me the strength to share them in person with my therapist. With the understanding ears (eyes) of the guys in the room, I know that I donít have to keep the stories of my abuse secret, that I can let them out.

It gives me an understanding of myself to listen to the concerns of others, to hear their stories. By talking to them about their problems, their issues; mine become more clear to me. This can be done on the boards, but not to the extent it can be done in the chat room. To be able to ask an additional question, to clarify a point they are making. Covering a discussion in minutes, rather than days.

I have seen and felt the pain of the guys. Makes mine seem less intimidating to myself.

I hope that I have helped some there with my words and my stories. Some of the help was of immediate need. Things that canít wait for a post the board or wait for a PM. The chat room does things faster than can be done in a post or PM. That would be like sending a letter to 911 instead of using a phone to call for an ambulance. Some of the guys that come here are scared, to scared to post on the boards, but by talking with them you can connect to them on a personal level and let them open up. Many go on to the boards and read the articles later. The chat room is their first step in getting the help they need. The first time they broke the secret that they were carrying for some perp(s) somewhere. If it wasnít for the chat room, how many of those would remain keeping that secret? After January 31st, how many men looking to release that secret will be left without someone to hear it?

Chat rooms seem to be the way the new younger generation communicate now. I am from the old BBS days, and this is the only chat room I have used. I have peeked into a few others but never felt safe to go in. I feel comfortable in this chat room, like being at home wrapped in a comforter while sitting on your favorite chair. I donít think that I could ever convey the magnitude of the gratitude that I have for MaleSurvivor Chat Room for being there in my time of need. All I can say is two little words, thank you.

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#121709 - 01/28/04 02:56 AM Re: Off topic- Chat Room
Angry_youth_86_Keith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/06/02
Posts: 103
Loc: Olympia, Washington
To me the chat is a more dynamic and faster paced way of healing. Because when you talk to only 1 person you get only there point of view. Where as when you talk to a larger group you get many differing views this has helpd me to become more rounded instead of just seeing things one way. I also tonight became a paying member of MS * I paid the dues anyway with my moms credit card and her blessing* So I am tryin to contribute to that problem as well.

A example of the safety of the room was very apprent tonight. A person who was known from the past to be quite sexual and inapproiate came in and was actually told by me to plz not talk to me about sexual things. I told him we can only be friends or nothing. He didn't like this and tryed to instigate me into off site chat. I refused. He kept makign sexual advance. I just simply pasted these advances to steve. and he was promptly kickd. Then later on he came back. Beggin for my offsite IM names. I told steve yet again and he was Banned all together. It was quickly handled with no one getting hurt.

I mean the mods were in there all night and had things very undercontrol. This offensive person was not in the room for more then 4 minutes each time. I mean they did such a good job and really surprised me how fast he was gone and his memory forgotten. Chat went on between people who were there for. I dont what esle to say. except for if you enjoy this site..become a member. I mean I think its totaly worth it especaily if they need it right now. You use it..why not help it out.

_________________________
"Ignoring mortality, we worship mediocrity"- Greg Graffin

"Live fast, die young, leave a great looking corpse"-Ronny Van Zant

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#121710 - 01/28/04 10:43 AM Re: Off topic- Chat Room
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
.

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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