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#12136 - 07/04/05 01:26 AM Control, emotions
VN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
It is again with friend I write here. I try few days ago to make post myself, without the friend or translater, but taken it away again, because I am quite sure it do sound stupid.

I do not know certain what I mean to say here tonight. I have the fears, I have the emotions. For some two weeks now, I have had more the sadness of something loss some time ago. It is like to take part of my soul and not return it.

I learn to understand that the 'flashbacks', they are not something of control. But what of the emotions, the sadness? I feel that life is taken of me and will not be found again. How is it I will feel differently? I feel it is weakness, to have such throughts or emotion, and weakness is something not allowed me. How do I get it back, control of how I feel?

I hope all here,they are having pleasant holidays.

VN


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#12137 - 07/04/05 02:26 AM Re: Control, emotions
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
VN -

I went through this period as well -

My therapist told me - You are mourning the loss -

Your are mourning your life that was lost -

Feeling your emotions is not weakness - being

able to recognize and express your emotions is an

intrinsic sign of strength -

it is what you do now with it all

VN - you are clearly not weak -

you are strong physically

you are strong in spirit

and intelligence -

what you are learning to do now - is deal

with something you have repressed

for too long -

it was going to come out sooner or later -


- i am not a therapist - as you know -

but we can talk of this more if you want -

be well VN -


Mark

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#12138 - 07/04/05 09:13 PM Re: Control, emotions
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
VN,

sometimes this sadness or grief of the past can never seem to cease.

They can never destroy your soul.

You are a good man, and you are not stupid.

I am sorry you are hurting so much.

I hope that you are feeling better,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#12139 - 07/05/05 05:06 PM Re: Control, emotions
FLRich Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/21/04
Posts: 1404
VN,

You will get your happiness back. I think each of us goes through a tough time after we decide to deal with our SA issues,(as if we have a choice). I think it is as Mark's therapist told him, You are mourning the part of your life that was lost. You will get a new part of your life back, though, VN. You will realize that you are worthy, clean, not guilty, have nothing to be ashamed of, and are not at fault for the things that have happened to you. Working through all of those emotions is taxing,and depressing at times. It does not in any way make you weak because you feel down and sad. It means that VN is human!

I happen to know that you have been through a lot lately! A whole lot! Things at home, things in Russia, relationships, memories, auto accidents, and health issues. VN, who wouldn't be feeling depressed? Think about it! If you knew one of us here was going through these things, you would understand our depression. Well, we understand yours. You WILL make it through to brighter days, VN. Use the support you have at home and the support of the guys here at MS. That's what it's all about, helping each other as we help ourselves.

You know how to contact me if you wish.


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#12140 - 07/05/05 06:53 PM Re: Control, emotions
Don-NY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/02
Posts: 546
Loc: Long Island, NY
V,

I think Mark is correct. It is grief and mourning for what you feel like you have lost, or never had.

This IS like flashbacks - there is not really control of emotions and feelings. You can't just stop them or make them go away or turn them off.

If you try to ignore them or turn them off, they can just come back stronger, or turn against yourself and poison everything and every day.

You will feel differently and you will feel more control AFTER you let these feelings happen. It is not weakness, it is Human and it is your good, pure, Soul that cries and feels sad.

It can help if you make a ritual or do something just to deal with them. Like hitting the tree with a baseball bat to let the anger out.

One time, I wrote down very sad and scary things on paper. Then I cut the paper up and then I burned it. I took the ashes to the ocean and threw them in. Those horrible things on that paper became very small and disappeared into the beautiful ocean. (I did this another time, but it was winter, so I just flushed the ashes down the toilet.)

You must feel what you feel. But always remember, no one and nothing can touch your soul. Some of your life WAS bad. It is a loss you should grieve, but there is still LIFE, still the future, still so much you can have and do.

Try to make a ritual or ceremony to help these feelings go. Always remember you have our support and best wishes.

Donald

_________________________
If you understand everything, some things are just as they are. If you understand nothing, things are still just as they are.

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#12141 - 07/06/05 01:24 AM Re: Control, emotions
dan_in_newengland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/01
Posts: 161
Loc: Mass
talk to you soon vn, welcome back

Dan


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