Have you others had physical symptoms from abuse? I have some quite irritating probably psychosomatic symptoms that come from abuse I think. Abuse left me some scars and they ache often badly. Sometimes my bottom is hurting as much as it hurt then my stepfather raped me. I also have very bad migraine that has got worse. Few weeks ago my stomach ache also badly and I throw up at least ten times a day. Now it's little better but I still vomit frequently. It doesn't make things better that I'm very afraid of doctors and especially dentists. In past few months I have been forced to use their services much and it has been nightmare. I just hate to be touched. Worst is then someone sticks something to my mouth (dentists and doctors both do it much as you all know.) But as I said sometimes it's unavoidable to go to see them. Instead going to masseur isn't so essential and that is something I never get done although sometimes my shoulders and are so stiff that I can't move my head.

Sometimes I think that my body remembers more than my mind. One touch to wrong place can make me go back to those horrible years.

How about you? Have the abuse left you physical as well as psychical marks?


Reko

Reko

I do not have as clear memories of my abuse, But as I am trying to work through the pain I have begun as I suspect you have recognize the mind body contection. The one thing that has helped my pains and body sensations is to look at more alternative ways of healing. I have found a few books and have looked for produces that are organicaly based and natural. I have found that western medicine only treats the symtoms and not the underlying cause of the illness. One book that has helped me is a book by Louise L Hay
called "Heal Your Body". It is not expecsive and provides a way to unblock pain in your body. As for alternative medicine and excellent book is called "PRESCRIPTION FOR NUTRITIONAL HEALING Third Edition by Phyllis & James Balch. I have found this a valuable source for alternative products. And best of all you don't need to see a doctor. I would suggest looking for information from a good store that has knowlegable staff.I hope this helps. I encourage you to keep moving forward and be good to your self.

Take Care

Tofeno

Author Topic: Physical symptoms

HI REKO,
WHILE I DIDN'T HAVE PHYSICAL DAMAGE (THAT I AM AWARE OF), I CAN STILL RELATE IN MANY WAYS TO WHAT YOU DESCRIBE. JUST RECENTLY I WENT TO A NEW DOCTOR HE TOOK MORE THAN ONE PHONE CALL DURING THAT INITIAL VISIT. ONE CALL TOOK 15 MINUTES AND IT WAS A POLITICAL CALL WITH NAME DROPPING ALL OVER THE PLACE. I FELT INSIGNIFICANT AND THIS ANGERED ME. WHEN I BEGAN PUTTING MY SHOES ON TO LEAVE HE QUICKLY GOT OFF THE PHONE. EVEN AFTER HAVING TOLD HIM THAT I WAS PTSD FROM CHILDHOOD SEXUAL TRAUMA AND THAT MY MOTHER WAS ONE OF MY PERPETRATORS HE HAD ME DROP MY PANTS TO DO A RECTAL EXAM. I FELT TOTALLY HUMILIATED. A PHYSICAL WAS NOT WHAT I WAS THERE FOR. HE WAS IN A CONTROL MODE ( I BELIEVE HE WAS TICKED OFF THAT I WASN' T PUTTING UP WITH HIS BEHAVIOR ANY MORE), AND, AS IN CHILDHOOD ( I'M SORRY TO SAY) I WAS COMPLIANT.
I NEVER WENT BACK TO HIM. I STILL FEEL THAT ANGER.

WHILE HE WAS TELLING ME HE WAS NOT JUDGING ME ABOUT MY WEIGHT, HE ACTUALLY WAS JUDGING ME. I KNOW WHEN I'M BEING ABUSED.

I FEEL AVOIDANT OF DENTISTS FOR THE SAME REASONS YOU DO. MY MOUTH IS A PLACE OF SHAME FOR ME.

DO YOU HAVE A THERAPIST? A THERAPIST MIGHT KNOW OF A DOCTOR WHO IS SENSITIVE TO OUR ISSUES. ANOTHER POSSIBILITY IS THAT A TRUSTED THERAPIST MIGHT ACCOMPANY YOU TO YOUR MEDICAL APPOINTMENTS FOR A WHILE UNTIL YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH YOUR DOCS. ALSO DO YOU HAVE A TRUSTED FRIEND WHO IS SENSITIVE TO YOUR ISSUES, WHO YOU COULD RELY ON TO ACCOMPANY YOU ON THE DOCTOR/DENTIST VISIT?
I CARRY MY RAGE IN MY BACK AND I HAVE CHRONIC BACK PAIN. I BELIEVE THIS RAGE HAS MANIFESTED ITSELF AS ARTHRITIS IN MY BACK. SOME RARE DAYS I CAN'T WALK BECAUSE OF THE PAIN.

THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOURSELF HERE. I PERSONALLY FEEL GIFTED BY YOUR HONESTY.


------------------------------------------- BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF
------------------------------------------------------------------ RJD

[ November 06, 2001: Message edited by: RJD ]

In fact I have very good doctor. He is very kind and understanding. For example he has never become irritated when I have been difficult patient and for example refused to open my mouth and so on. He is also one of those very few people to whom I have manage to tell this things. I'm also skeptic so alternative ways of heeling are maybe not my thing.

Finding the therapist is little more difficult task. Here where I live there is little shortage of shrinks and other therapists and particularly those who has experience about working with sexually abused people. I'm also quite difficult person and if I get too nice therapist nothing work. I'm very thickheaded and I need quite tough therapist to get ahead. But still I'm working to find a fitting therapist.

And sorry again my bad English. Try to understand although there is some bad errors. Even I can see the errors but I'm not able to correct them.

Reko

Hello rekox,
My psychologist say's when I experence normal human emotions,
I don't allow myself to feel these feelings or accept them because,
I've internalized the abuse I experienced and when I was told not to tell and to pretend everthing is okay,
and to internalized my feelings,
not to feel
and to pretend everything is okay.
Is this sensible to anyone?
I can hear what is said or read what is said,
but I don'y see it in my actions,
how am I doing this?
fmighell anc ak

rekox,
First off, Your English is great. I wish I knew Spanish as well as U know English.

Anyways, I also don't like going to the Dentist Or Doctor, for basicly the same reasons. Though I dont currently have a Dentist, I have a great doctor, thankfully, .
Also, If someone touches the back of my shoulder, I will shutter, or jump/flex up.
Its a startle responce.
There are other responces left over from my abused childhood, physical responces, emotional reactions, etc.
Thanks for posting reko!

Let me validate that for you, Rekox!

I've had my own experiences with "body memories". Although my mother was the first person to teach me inappropriate sexual response, she hid the sexuality (probably from herself too) by characterizing her treatments as "caretaking" or "home nursing". As a result I could not say "no" to any trusted adult. A family friend, a handyman, recognized this and took advantage of it.

Somehow, I blocked the memory of this... except for a few odd sensations. These sensations did not make sense until many years later, when the emotional shock of losing my wife seemed to shake memories loose. Over 40 years after it happened, I realized that I was feeling sensations of being molested. I would like to disclose my full story, probably on the board set up for that.

It took some time, years, before I recovered the memory, struggled with questions like, "is it true, or a false memory?", and eventually believed it and got wildly angry about it; then at last I was able to let it go.

Please be encouraged to know that it we CAN work through these injuries, even if it does take longer than we want it to take.