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#11688 - 10/10/02 01:21 PM Affirmations
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Note: This is going in for my next article in the Chorus, the Voices Organization newsletter.

Affirmations

© DonS

An affirmation can be described as a strong, constructive, positive statement made to help realize goals. To affirm is to make an assertion or declaration, as if already true, about something that one desires to actualize. That is what I learned in class the other night and what was written on pg 30 of my TouchAbilities, Essential Connections book by Iris Burman and Sandy Friedland. You know, this is something that I have been long acquainted with in my life but have never really thought long and hard about it.

I remember back to the days that I struggled to even think anything positive about myself which was preventing me from going outside and being around people. I did not like myself and you could probably even say that I hated myself during this time. I did not see any value, just ugliness from my past. No matter how much I talked about this in therapy, it just didn’t seem to make a difference. Regardless, I had myself convinced that I was nothing, I was dirty, ugly, and responsible for everything that had happened to me. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy and the more I believed it, the more it became me. So what did I do, read on.

Shaina Noll has a CD called “Songs For The Inner Child” with a song on it titled, “How Could Anyone”. The words go like this.

How could anyone ever tell you?
You were anything less than beautiful.
How could anyone ever tell you?
You were anything less than whole
How could anyone fail to notice?
That your loving is a miracle.
How deeply you’re connected to my soul.

Why do I share this with you? Well I’m glad you asked. What I did for a month was listen to this song over and over. I would play it in the morning before I went to work and when I got home from work. I would listen to the song and usually try to sing it since no one else was around to hear me. But after the month went by, I found that for the first time I started believing that I was worth something and how could anyone ever tell me that I was anything different than that. Once I started believing this and letting it sink into my life, I started to change. That was the point where I began to once again venture out around people and beyond the 4 walls of my fortress I called a home. From that point on, my life has taken a new course that has led me to discover many new oceans. Some of which right now are a direct result of this time.

And as we were talking about affirmations in my class, I realized that I have been doing this a lot through my healing. I’ve created affirmations for myself and used them to help me go places where my logical, afraid, self could not go. So many times when fear paralyzed me from taking a step, the affirmation would go before me. Just think in your mind for a second how powerful that could be. You don’t have to be any special writer or talented person to do this. All you have to do is let yourself be yourself and focus on what you want for your life.

In class we were all asked to create an affirmation for ourselves. Currently I still struggle hard with having the confidence in life to do what I need to do. While it has improved, I get so scared at times and would love to be more confident. So it is the example I will use here and the one I will share for you. My affirmation was “I AM CONFIDENT”. Yes, I don’t feel that way right now but I continue to repeat this to myself each day and before long, it will be the direction my body will be going. Because the more I tell myself that I am confident, the more my body will take on the necessary skills, qualities and resources to be confident.

Take a moment right now as you are reading this and think about an affirmation for yourself. Maybe you have to much debt and the affirmation could be “I am wealthy” or maybe you are a couch potato and want to be fit as a fiddle… the affirmation could be “I am healthy” or “I am physically fit”. Maybe you struggle with hating yourself and your affirmation could be “I love myself”. The possibilities are enormous and as wide as the widest ocean. The power lies with in you and all you have to do is turn the facet and tap into it.

An affirmation should be something that is a simple statement. That way you can remember it easily and repeat it without much effort or thought. It should be a statement of positive thoughts and words. For instance if you are in debt, you would not want to use the phrase “I want to be debt-free” because your mind would still be focusing on the debt which is not a positive thought. Instead, “I am wealthy” would be a more positive statement. Make sure your affirmation is personal to you and make sure you can own it. Once you’ve created it, try to find a safe person that you can share it with because the power of the words will be multiplied many times over. And once you’ve done all of this, than start repeating it to yourself every day until it becomes you and you become it.

You know I often struggled through my healing with wondering where the answers were to many of the things that I faced or how I should heal or what things I needed to do to heal. But I am finding more and more that all of the time, the answers were right inside of me. They were already a part of me. Your body knows what you need and by tapping into the strength and wisdom each one of us has; we can grow and soar in ways that will amaze us.

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#11689 - 10/10/02 05:44 PM Re: Affirmations
Don-NY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/02
Posts: 546
Loc: Long Island, NY
I got asked where I was in the stages of Recovery. I had trouble answering until I found this list.

Now reading Don's post about affirmations makes me realize that this list is not only a pretty good and accurate de>
_________________________
If you understand everything, some things are just as they are. If you understand nothing, things are still just as they are.

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#11690 - 10/10/02 07:27 PM Re: Affirmations
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
What's the collective noun for a pair of Don's ?
a pride maybe ?

Anyway, does this mean we have another list going ? a list to oppose the list of lies, a list of I will- I can- I have- I shall.

Here's a couple of mine to start with....

I can change my life
I can make a difference

Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#11691 - 10/11/02 09:04 AM Re: Affirmations
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Mr. Don:

I like this thread! I know I need to affirm myself a lot more; that has never been easy for me.

I know from experience that no matter how much others may affirm me, if I don't affirm myself I won't believe the affirmations of others. And I think that if I can regularly affirm myself, I will depend on the affirmations of others less (tho of course we all need some affirmation from others).

Yeah, its hard to say things about yourself that you don't always feel, and may even feel very much the opposite. Especially when those weren't the messages you received growing up, and may not receive much now.

But tho I've not experienced it much, I believe that usually at least we have to change our actions--and words--in order to change our feelings, not the other way around.

I guess we all know its easier to say something than to do it or act like it. Yet, if we can keep saying it, trying to mean & believe it, it sure can't hurt in helping us to act accordingly, & will most probably help a lot. At least that's what I would think. I oughta try it more!

"An affirmation should be something that is a simple statement. That way you can remember it easily and repeat it without much effort or thought. It should be a statement of positive thoughts and words."

Good tips for a realistic & significant affirmation, Mr. Don. Life can be complicated (and negative) enuf, particularly for us survivors. Positive & simple, simply positive (positively simple?).

Thanks Mr. Don

Wuame

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#11692 - 10/11/02 09:23 AM Re: Affirmations
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Don NY:

I don't know where you found those stages of recovery. I've seen others; I like your list. It is indeed a great list of affirmations. Very thot-provoking.

At least for me, in my brief recovery experience, I seem to process & move back & forth thru these stages and the different points of them you listed.

Definitely I'm still primarily in stage one, which is ok (I'm affirming myself in that!).

I've dabbled quite a bit in stage two but to do more than dabble I need to go deeper in some stage one areas. Especially "I can respect my shame and anger as a consequence of my abuse, but shall try not to turn it against myself or others."

I keep trying to jump straight to stage 3 (maybe thats not unusual?), but I'm learning (often the hard way) that I can only jump there thru stages 1 & 2.

It seems to me all areas could be worked on simeltaneously. But at least for me, it seems the primary focus & work has to be from one to two to three. Life kinda seems to work that way doesn't it?

Thanks for the list & the stages, Don NY!

Wuame

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#11693 - 10/11/02 09:29 AM Re: Affirmations
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Lloydy:

Yes! Just what we need to oppose the list of lies--a list of truths!

Yes, truths! I believe that the lies are of my false self. I also believe the affirmations are truths about my true, real self, as I am meant to be & can be.

At least, that's what I'm affirming about myself!

One affirmation to add to the list: "I affirm myself!"

Wuame

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#11694 - 10/14/02 12:06 AM Re: Affirmations
Gary - CDN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/16/02
Posts: 28
Loc: Hamilton, Ontario Canada
Thanks Don-NY for the list and Mr. Don for starting the topic. After reading through this thread I realized how important affirmation is. I am in Stage Three: Healing and my presence there had to be pointed out to me by my counselor. In the last month I have realized:

I am OK,
I like myself,
I am strong and confident, and
I have and can continue to change my life.

I feel good now and despite some stressful times in the last few weeks, I have remained strong and have not strayed off the positive course I have charted for myself.

And to DON-NY, the list of stages really struck a chord with me. When I started counseling last November I remember reading through Mike Lew's book, “Victims no Longer” and seeing a list of negative, abusive acts that may have occurred at home during your childhood and another list of Current Effects that one may experience in your adult life. As I read through the items and checked off what I experienced I was sick and disgusted. I could not read further and I put the book down for months. It was a pleasure to read through those Three Stages of Healing and for a change, check off something positive and know that I have put the abuse is behind me. I am moving forward and after reading this thread, I have started to add various affirmations to my daily routine.

Thanks again gentlemen.

Gary-CDN


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#11695 - 10/14/02 12:39 PM Re: Affirmations
Thad Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/28/01
Posts: 1752
Loc: Oakland, CA
Affirmations. What a great string of posts. Don, the three stages of healing was so clarifying & powerful for me and I've printed it to look at when I feel like I need to get my bearings or to counter the lost-self pity place. It helps to have a roadmap. Thanks guys...t

_________________________
"..this place isn't a discussion forum..it's a portal..." Lupin
"The truth will set you free, but first it will probably piss you off." dwf's AA sponsor.

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#11696 - 10/14/02 02:11 PM Re: Affirmations
Cement Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
* I am creative
* I am strong
* I am a writer

_________________________
And let the darkness fear our light.

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#11697 - 10/14/02 03:21 PM Re: Affirmations
New to this Offline
Member

Registered: 09/16/02
Posts: 138
Loc: Mississippi
I am a man
not the abused
boy I was
I am alive
at last
I'm not afraid
to love
I love
myself
my wife
my kids
you guys
I am worth
being loved
I know
I am
Loved

_________________________
"Knowledge itself is power" Francis Bacon

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