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#1144 - 03/19/06 01:58 AM Re: My life felt like I was watching a movie
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
John - I know about life seeming like a movie.

Yesterday in court, when we were waiting for the perv to be called, I was sat in the foyer (foyeur?). I t was just me, my friend, the perv and his parole officer!

I was looking at the back of the pervs head to start with, but slowly and surely I started to get flashbacks.

I was looking at the back of his head and I got the full video playing in my head. Leaving my dog at the station. Going and shooting rifles in the quarry. The 'games'! The abuse!

It didn't hurt me this time, it was just my mind reminding me why I was there in court... I was reminding myself to have no sympathy/empathy with his situation!

I kept that information in my head for a good reason - now the perv knows it!

Best wishes...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#1145 - 03/19/06 05:06 AM Re: My life felt like I was watching a movie
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
John,

It sounds like you are making some important progress and I am so glad to hear that. Keep talking!

Quote:
I'm so damned dysfunctional I can actually laugh at myself!
I chuckled at that one by Hauser as well. Sometimes it's a useful release to see the irony or wild humor in some of the things we do or think about. It's a good way to keep away from the temptation to blame or criticize ourselves.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#1146 - 03/19/06 05:21 AM Re: My life felt like I was watching a movie
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
I took my family out to eat tonight and I felt the old me looking around the room sizing everyone up and then I actually realized the truth about how mixed up I used to be. I am finding it hard to believe that I could have been so mixed up about how to live, I used to think I had the world by the tail but now I know it was a controled feeling and mostly a lot of brain manipulation. I am so very glad to be feeling different, I am glad to be finding all of these things out and I have to say this site has helped me further my recovery. I never realized how important it was to talk to other survivors, hell I thought I was through with this molestation thing but since I have been here I have learned a lot more.

I did not think there were many of us out there, thats one of the reasons I never looked for anyone or a site like this when I began therapy. I hate the fact that we are here but I am so glad to have people to talk this out with. I am very thankful for all of your replies.

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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#1147 - 03/19/06 09:29 AM Re: My life felt like I was watching a movie
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
john, you made an important observation here about controlling our environment to feel in controlled of our lives and our daily circumstances without ever realising that we are living a very controlled life, it is like small bubble we created for ourselves and that is our trap as well. Not to forget in here there is little scope of any emotional growth and spiritual well being.


And then we realise it is ok to feel lost or confused or not having the answers because all that is part of life, but really helps me during all this the fact I know that I would get help if I ask for it, and that I can make it on my own. I am also glad that you making great strides towards greater freedom, keep inspiring us.

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#1148 - 03/19/06 09:46 AM Re: My life felt like I was watching a movie
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
Chaos and randomness of life is what fosters growth and creation of the new order, provided we see them as opportunities for growth rather than difficulties thrusted upon us by an unloving universe, for life never bring to us anything that is not essential for our growth, with that trust we can allow ourselves to peer thru the screen of daily events and pay close attention to the symbolic nature of life events and allow life to teach us what we are here to learn, from far away.
So I pray that may my each new day bring me opportunities to learn better way to live life and the serenity to learn all that I have to in that day.
And at the end of the day may I be able to say my final prayers of gratitude for the universe for joy and abundance I got experience in this one short day.

Its is a benevolent universe that takes us on this wondourous ride with the sun on each new day where there are twists and turns at everry corner and numerous highs and lows. And that is what makes this journey called life so marvelous, it promises never to get dull. And come to think of it I am already looking forward to what life would bring to me tomorrow!

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#1149 - 03/19/06 02:39 PM Re: My life felt like I was watching a movie
John Oarc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
Morning Star, have you ever thought about writing, publishing, or do you already write on a professional level? If not you should, your style is excellent.

_________________________
Whatever It Takes, God


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