Newest Members
JayNL, Robert Barrett, lostsoul824, beatcook, MassGuy
12279 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
melnjams (42), rage (27)
Who's Online
5 registered (sadclown, don64, 3 invisible), 22 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12279 Members
73 Forums
63188 Topics
441842 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#11040 - 10/07/02 12:49 AM Will these people ever wake up
Chey-Wy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 241
Loc: Cheyenne, WY
It is Sunday night. I have just gotten home from work. The phone rings. I look at the caller I D and I see it is the current minister at the church. I let the call go to voice mail. As soon as the message indicator on the phone starts blinking I dial the number and retrieve the message. The minister has noticed that I have not been in church lately. He also wonders if my schedule has slowed down enough so that we might get together so that he can perfrom a " healing cermony".

This " healing ceremony" is the Presbyterian form of an Exorcism. The minister wants to perform it in the office where I was raped. This is the only thing that the church has offered to do for me. I do not want this "healing ceremony" I feel that this cermony is for the minister .. so that he can have the feeling that his office is " No longer possessed"

Bear with me guys ..... I am having a flashback .... back to that office and Dr. Laughlin standing in front of me .... telling me that what he is doing to me is necessary. That raping me is some form of "therapy" ... or as he puts it an "AIDS Test".

I have to go .... I will finish this later if I can.

John

_________________________
From the Song MOUNTAINS by Lonestar.

Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb

Top
#11041 - 10/07/02 01:13 AM Re: Will these people ever wake up
Chey-Wy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 241
Loc: Cheyenne, WY
O K

I think I am back and can finish what I started. The church has offered me no support. This minister that called tonight told me that "this is my problem ... and I need to deal with it" This minister also told me when I said that i wasn't afraid to go public with my allegations ....."that I needed to be careful .... that I didn't want to face a slander lawsuit." It isn't slander if it is the truth.

As for this "healing ceremony" What is this guy thinking. If I have a flashback just sitting here writing about the thought of going back there .... what is going to happen to me when I actually return to the "scene of the crime"

Will the church ever wake up. I have gotten several post ( both public and Private ) from people in here. I now know that I was not the only victim of abuse in the Presbyterian Church... and I also know that this is the patern of the church .... to cover the allegations up ... give the victum the run-a-round until he gets so frustrated that he gives up. All I can say is continue sending me your support guys. I am going to need it. I have times that I fee like giving up ..... but I also know that I won't be able to rest until I confront this head on.

I did a post under Music for survivors.

From Man of Lamancha .... The Imposible dream
Lyrics by Joe Darion
Quote:
And I know if I'll only be true, to this glourious quest,
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm,
when I'm laid to my rest ...
And the world will be better fot this:
That one man, scorned and covered with scars,
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage,
To reach ... the imposible star .....

_________________________
From the Song MOUNTAINS by Lonestar.

Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb

Top
#11042 - 10/07/02 11:34 AM Re: Will these people ever wake up
Ken Followell Offline
President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 12/30/01
Posts: 989
Loc: Bradenton, FL
Chey,

Anytime someone tells you what you need for healing, be careful. Others should ask what you need/want not tell you. You are not obligated to do anything for that church or the ministers. Of course they want to keep things quiet that is the human resose to all of this. That may or may not be what you need.

Find eople interested in helping you heal all areas of your life. The spiritual side will need to heal as well.

Ken

_________________________
Ken Followell

Everything works out right in the end. If things are not working right, it isn't the end yet. Don't let it bother you, relax and keep on goin
- Michael C. Muhammad

"I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing."
� Rabbi Hillel

Top
#11043 - 10/07/02 12:39 PM Re: Will these people ever wake up
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Chey
the church's actions, and their offer of a "healing exorcism" , are either the most insensitive, ill informed and stupid attempt at some kind of recompense. Or it's a completly cynical, planned cover up to persuade you back into their fold and therefore silence you.

Chey, it's no wonder you get flashbacks when these so called caring people treat you in this way.
If you still have your faith, change church and keep away from these creeps.

Use your last ounce of courage to get better, don't let them waste it.

Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

Top
#11044 - 10/08/02 01:08 AM Re: Will these people ever wake up
Chey-Wy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 241
Loc: Cheyenne, WY
They don't have a smiley face or thumbs up/down to express how I am feeling tonight. The story just gets better. Tonight when I got home there was another message from the church on my voice mail. The minister asked me if he wants me to have him continue with preperations for the "healing ceremony" I want to call him back and tell him to just f***ing leave me alone. If all he has to offer me is a prayer then he doesn't have anything to offer me. I am so bitter and so angry and I know that this bitterness is not good for my healing. They just don't get it. They want the healing ceremony so that they can feel better. F*** what I want and need.

What a bunch of F***ing hypocrits. This minister told about the compasion that was shown to him when his daughter killed herself ...... yet he has offered me no compasion. The people of this church are such insensitive ASSHOLES.

_________________________
From the Song MOUNTAINS by Lonestar.

Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb

Top
#11045 - 10/08/02 01:00 PM Re: Will these people ever wake up
Huck Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/20/02
Posts: 17
Loc: south carolina
Chey,

I think I would have the number from that church blocked so they couldn't call you again. Let them talk to your lawyer from now on.

And find a new church, these people don't deserve you.

Just my thoughts on the situation since it seems like they really don't care. They're just trying to act like they care. Wanting you to come back to the SAME office where it happened shows they really don't get it.

And ignore the threats of a slander suit. This is an old trick to try and silence victims. If they didn't know you were telling the truth, they wouldn't be calling you and wanting to perform that "ceremony". Telling the truth is NOT slander, and they know it!

Hugs,

Huck


Top
#11046 - 10/10/02 12:01 PM Re: Will these people ever wake up
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
John:

No, I guess bitterness is not good for your healing; but its got to be hard not to have it right now, I know. However there are other healthy ways to express your anger--like this forum. So good for you, man!

Compassion that doesn't go beyond oneself is narcissism! For that man to call himself a minister, and for that matter for those people to call themselves the church, is a perverted hypocritical oxymoron. Obviously, he doesn't know what "ministry" is, and they don't know what it means to be the church, a community of love.

You are reacting as naturally as you can to the very unnatural acts perpetrated against you. They are the ones who are really sick, and they don't even know it, or they don't care & they want to spread their stinkin disease around, covering it up like they're trying to!

I agree with the others: you owe them nothing; they owe you everything they haven't given you. Don't let anyone tell you what you need or must do; that's bound, as you know, to mean its not for you but for them, to try to cover their sorry asses! If things are to be kept silent, ifyou want some kind of true healing ritual or action,if you want to go back to the place of your abuse on your terms for your healing, fine; but on your terms, in your time & way!

I'm considering going back to Manhattan, where I was born & first abused. If I do, it will be on my terms, I will be in control, I will do it for my own healing. Period.

I've been doing some Gestalt two-chair therapy in which I "meet" with my mother (not physically) in my T's office with him there. He or I tell her when to come & when to leave. I can say whatever I want & she has to listen, and respond somehow. It may sound strange but its been helpful so far. Its the only way I can get things out with her on my terms, with me in control.

Damn it, they've been in control long enuf! Like at all has been too long!

I also agree: get another church, that's no church anyway! As a wise man once said, "Going into a garage doesn't make you a car. And going into a church building doesn't make you a Christian!" :p

And "Amen!" to Huck! Block those bastards off your phone and divert their sick calls to a good lawyer!

Slander, hell! If they thot it was slander they wouldn't even need to tell you anything like that! They wouldn't be worried about it! Maybe your lawyer can throw in a slander suit on them while he's at it!

As for that sick so-called healing ceremony,
I'dlike to "lay hands" on them--with a thick set of gloves and a two-by-four!

But they're not worth the effort...

Man, if you can confront this head on, go for it! Don't know if I could. But I'm trying to get there. Whatever you do, do it for you!

Take care,

Wuame

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
#11047 - 10/11/02 12:18 AM Re: Will these people ever wake up
Chey-Wy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 241
Loc: Cheyenne, WY
Thanks for the replies. I am supposed to have a draft of the letter that my attorney will be sending the church tomorrow. I have no idea what he is going to say .... I just hope that it is close to what I want to say and won't need a lot of editing. I'll keep everyone posted as soon as I know more.

Thanks for all the support guys

John

_________________________
From the Song MOUNTAINS by Lonestar.

Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb

Top
#11048 - 10/11/02 09:37 AM Re: Will these people ever wake up
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
John:

The letter sounds like a good idea. My thots are with you as it is written, sent, received & responded to. I look forward to the updates, and trust you will find further healing thru all this. Take good care.

Wuame

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.