No, I guess bitterness is not good for your healing; but its got to be hard not to have it right now, I know. However there are other healthy ways to express your anger--like this forum. So good for you, man!
Compassion that doesn't go beyond oneself is narcissism! For that man to call himself a minister, and for that matter for those people to call themselves the church, is a perverted hypocritical oxymoron. Obviously, he doesn't know what "ministry" is, and they don't know what it means to be the church, a community of love.
You are reacting as naturally as you can to the very unnatural acts perpetrated against you. They are the ones who are really sick, and they don't even know it, or they don't care & they want to spread their stinkin disease around, covering it up like they're trying to!
I agree with the others: you owe them nothing; they owe you everything they haven't given you. Don't let anyone tell you what you need or must do; that's bound, as you know, to mean its not for you but for them, to try to cover their sorry asses! If
things are to be kept silent, if
you want some kind of true healing ritual or action,if
you want to go back to the place of your abuse on your terms for your healing, fine; but on your terms, in your time & way!
I'm considering going back to Manhattan, where I was born & first abused. If I do, it will be on my terms, I will be in control, I will do it for my own healing. Period.
I've been doing some Gestalt two-chair therapy in which I "meet" with my mother (not physically) in my T's office with him there. He or I tell her when to come & when to leave. I can say whatever I want & she has to listen, and respond somehow. It may sound strange but its been helpful so far. Its the only way I can get things out with her on my terms, with me in control.
Damn it, they've been in control long enuf! Like at all has been too long!
I also agree: get another church, that's no church anyway! As a wise man once said, "Going into a garage doesn't make you a car. And going into a church building doesn't make you a Christian!" :p
And "Amen!" to Huck! Block those bastards off your phone and divert their sick calls to a good lawyer!
Slander, hell! If they thot it was slander they wouldn't even need to tell you anything like that! They wouldn't be worried about it! Maybe your lawyer can throw in a slander suit on them while he's at it!
As for that sick so-called healing ceremony, I'd
like to "lay hands" on them
--with a thick set of gloves and a two-by-four!
But they're not worth the effort...
Man, if you can confront this head on, go for it! Don't know if I could. But I'm trying to get there. Whatever you do, do it for you!