It could be that you are seeking to form some type of positive body image for yourself as a goal towards which you can work? You know, as a sort of 'model' towards which you can strive.
I see guys and think wow, I'd like to have a stomach like that or a chest like his.
Since there is no sexual arousal involved this seems like as good an explanation as any.
And if you were gay, would that be such a horrible thing?
I'm gay and in the end I have found that it is not nearly the problem I always thought it was.
The sexual abuse and problems with ANY TYPE of sexuality are the real issues with me. Being gay is a cake walk compared to that.
Anyway good luck with the weight loss regimen, let us know how you do. Some slimming down would be good for me too.
"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"
-Tony Joe White