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#10925 - 10/23/01 02:57 PM Having a tough day
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi everybody. I am new here, but not new being a survivor. I was abused(objectified and manipulated emotionally) when I was 13 by a Catholic priest. The resulting upheaval in my family and in the diocess has stayed with me, and I dealt with my pain through drinking, pornography, strip clubs, and cruising for prostitutes. These things are under control today(I literally mean today), and I'm starting to date. I'm right now struggling with all the emotions of a girl breaking up with me and it's the first time I've ever gone through it sober. It sucks. All the sadness, loneliness, and frustration is built up inside and I wish I could just get it out. It's like there is a plug in me that won't let it gush out. Dammit. It all makes sense now why I acted out for all those years(I am 30), and I know I'm going to be a gift to my children and wife someday, but right now it sucks. The therapy is helping, I told my roommate my history last week and he is the only one that knows my secret outside my recovery groups. I want to just plug away now and experience these emotions. It's so hard, it feels like I should know how to handle this stuff at the tender age of 30, but I'm having trouble putting one foot in front of the other. Please help me through the day everyone. I pray for all of you to have strength and courage to find your way; today I need a little bit of it - actually alot. Peace.

Bob


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#10926 - 10/23/01 06:19 PM Re: Having a tough day
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1313
Loc: Northern Ohio
Hi Bob,
Welcome to this Forum! \:\)

I know the feeling of
Quote:

If u mean it the way I understand it.
I think therapy (individual & especially group) helped me thru that.
And
Quote:
. Shit, I know that feeling also. Hell, I work with abused kids, I thought I SHOULD know how to handle this myself. But I didn't, & couldn't.
Out side of therapy, 0nly 3 people who know me, know the truth. Its hard to tell people. There is a lot to be lost. I talk about things here, But its a safe venue. I don't have to reveal my identity. That allows me to speak up & out. Which can be a powerful tool.
Take care, stay safe, and continue to post what's on ur mind!


_________________________
They will not Give us peace, we must find it ourselves, we have the power within us, we will find it together. -Blacken

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#10927 - 10/23/01 06:24 PM Re: Having a tough day
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1313
Loc: Northern Ohio
bob, leave it to me to mess up a post, duh!
The first quote is: having trouble putting one foot in front of the other.
the secound was: Its so hard, I feel like i should know how to handle this stuff.
sorry about that. Stupid me :rolleyes:

_________________________
They will not Give us peace, we must find it ourselves, we have the power within us, we will find it together. -Blacken

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#10928 - 10/23/01 08:06 PM Re: Having a tough day
Brian B14 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/04/01
Posts: 122
Loc: New York
Hi Bob,

I'm glad you found us. We are all here for you. It's a long and bumpy ride, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

God Bless,

Brian \:\)


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#10929 - 10/23/01 09:19 PM Re: Having a tough day
Anonymous
Unregistered


Bob,

Welcome to our little family here.... Hopefully, you will find that this is one place where you can be who you are and where nobody will judge you, put you down, or guilt-trip you in any way. I have found this to be a place where I can - with the experience and support of others - piece together some answers and feelings around my own childhood abuse in order to move on.

You mentioned:
Quote:
It's so hard, it feels like I should know how to handle this stuff at the tender age of 30, but I'm having trouble putting one foot in front of the other.


Well, my friend, there are those of us here who fifty and beyond who haven't figured all of this stuff yet....so be gentle with yourself. Actually, just knowing what you have shared in your post, I am particularly optimistic that you are going to be able to move forward quickly because, in fact, you have identified and dealt with your abuse issues early on.

This current emotional crisis feels pretty lousy today, but "after a storm the sun breaks through...." I will put you on my prayer list and hold you in consciousness, Bob. Hang in there...you're among friends.

Don


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#10930 - 10/23/01 09:25 PM Re: Having a tough day
Anonymous
Unregistered


Bob

To continue...I forgot one last thing.

Your user name, bobtheslob, hit me right between the eyes. I'm not sure how or why you chose that name (tell me it's not a childhood nickname...), but I am a bit concerned with the subtle, subconscious messages that you are giving yourself with this handle....

Don


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#10931 - 10/24/01 05:40 AM Re: Having a tough day
Anonymous
Unregistered


To all:

Thanks everybody for the thoughts and prayers. Everyone's words ring true. We'll be OK...
PS bobtheslob doesn't bug me. how about whataboutbob, I think that's who I'll be???


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#10932 - 10/24/01 11:17 AM Re: Having a tough day
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
whataboutbob,,

I like that nick lots better, dude, welcome, your in the right place, lots of good people here!!

I am glad you here.

I am sorry you had to go through all the stuff you did just to get here today.

Keep talking, keep reading, keep writing, keep coming back, it all works and its all good.

Even when i have icky feelings i am thankful that i can feel, it was not so long ago that my feelings were delayed and would show up literally a month after something happened, talk about confusing, bob, your doing it, just keep at it, ok?

Safe hugs to you,,

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#10933 - 10/25/01 10:04 AM Re: Having a tough day
Carl123 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/11/00
Posts: 25
Loc: PA, USA
Bob:

Please allow me to throw my two cents worth of encourgament into the ring. Hang in there Bob! We're all in the same shoes as you. You are not alone. I'm 41 and still struggling through this. But I can tell you, the road ahead is not all full of sorrow and strife. It takes courage and stregnth to try to rise above your abussive past. It's a hero's journey. No doubt about it.

But you can do it. You can win. You can get married and have a loving wife and be a great father. I'm lucky in both those arenas, and the love and support I receive from my family has literally saved my life.

That doesn't mean I don't f**k it up sometimes. I'm pretty good at figuring out ways to screw things up. But the overall trend is moving in the right direction.

There are good days and there are bad days. Just make sure the road you're on allows for self-compassion. You deserve a good life. You deserve to love and be loved. You deserve not to kill yourself through self-destructive behaviors.

When you have a bad day, just accept it as such. That was a big step forward in my progress: allowing myself to fell like crap sometimes. There's nothing wrong with that. You deserve to have bad days just as much as good days. So go with it. If today is a dark day, just allow yourself to feel like sh*t. Tomorrow (or the day after) will be better. And then, you can allow yourself to feel good.

We're all behind you Bob! You can do it.

Safe hugs from me as well.


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#10934 - 10/25/01 10:20 PM Re: Having a tough day
Anonymous
Unregistered


Bob,

That was a fast transformation.....I really like the new name!

Don


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