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#10534 - 04/27/03 06:14 PM Re: Is their any man who was abused by their own mother like i was?
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
A couple of years ago when there were various hostage situations around the world I heard an analyst on the radio describing survival strategies for living through hostage situations. The guy talked about being the gray man, not drawing attention to oneself, blending in with the group so as not to be singled out.

That's what I've been doing my whole life, being the gray man. I thought anything that was inside me was filthy, so I just say what other people say.
Wow, Ken, that's quite an analogy out of your experience. It makes me think that yes that's what
we often tend to do, as a survival mechanism, when
we are hostages, to our perps, to a society that says don't talk about this.

To break the chains of our perps & live our own lives as our true selves, to shout out to an uncaring society until those who do or will care come forward to stand with us--that's what brings
out our true colors, so that we can shine, and make a difference in the world.

High risk, high reward. But I've found being a
"gray man" is high risk anyway, and low reward, kinda dull & empty.

For you, for me, for all of us male survivors, this is a powerful place where we can polish up & start to shine!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#10535 - 04/27/03 10:42 PM Re: Is their any man who was abused by their own mother like i was?
Thad Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/28/01
Posts: 1752
Loc: Oakland, CA
Frank
You are, indeed, not alone. I was abused by my mother - (age 0 to 6) and recovered the memory of it many years later. I lived with my symptoms for many years without understanding them. I though I was a "freak of nature". I thought I was the only one in the world who did not trust or love his mother.

It is hard to understand why any parent would betray the trust and protection that we need to grow up. Most find it even harder to believe that a mother would do that. In my mother's case, she had been abused herself as a child by her father.

I would be glad to talk with you about my experiences if that would help. email me by PM (personal message) or at chatadmin@malesurvivor.org - you could also do a search for my posts where I have talked about my abuse experience and symptoms.

I'm so glad you found this place. The guys here are so great and we are such great support for eachother. It is so healing to get your story out and see that you are not the only one to have received such a trauma.

I'm sorry for what happened to you. Come often and explore the site - take it only as far as you feel comfortable. Take care brother...Thad

_________________________
"..this place isn't a discussion forum..it's a portal..." Lupin
"The truth will set you free, but first it will probably piss you off." dwf's AA sponsor.

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#10536 - 04/28/03 01:41 AM Re: Is their any man who was abused by their own mother like i was?
bowman Offline
Member

Registered: 04/19/03
Posts: 72
Quote:
Originally posted by Wuamei:

But I've found being a "gray man" is high risk anyway, and low reward, kinda dull & empty.
Yeah...low reward is a good de>

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#10537 - 04/28/03 09:19 PM Re: Is their any man who was abused by their own mother like i was?
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Ken,

For sure looking to the future, and living in the now, instead of looking back & criticizing & getting hung up on the past, is easier said than done. But it does help to at least plot a course & have some plans & support along the way. It also helps to take it easy on ourselves & take it slow. As you say we are trying to break old unhealthy lifetime habits & form new healthy ones.
The bad ones didn't form overnite. Neither will the good ones to replace them. One day at a time.
Take care Ken.

Victor


Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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