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#1027 - 01/15/05 01:31 AM My rock is wearing down.
missingmyself Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/04/05
Posts: 16
As some of you know I spoke to my wife about my recent SA. I have opened up a lot to her and she pampered me through much of it. However, now with all of our new concerns and me being a paranoid freak. I think she doesn't understand why I can not let go and just move on. I believe she feels I am not trying.


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#1028 - 01/15/05 07:11 PM Re: My rock is wearing down.
markw Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/27/04
Posts: 52
Loc: chicago
I understand about not moving on and being paranoid. I can't go anywhere by myself. I always want my wife to go with me. When I told her, wrote her I should say about my SA, she said it all made sense to her. Before, she said that she could not understand why I could not do anything alone. I am little ocd, things have to be clean. I clean all the time, drives her nuts, and she has at times lost it with me. It is hard dealing with all of this stuff, but together we are trying. I can tell that your love for your wife is strong, and that you lean on her a lot. I have that to, if she loves you as much as you love her, things will be ok. For better or worse. My wife is my best friend, I could not imagine life with out her. Moving on is something I do not know how to do, it seems to be really hard, so much to deal with. Maybe time is the answer.

Mark


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#1029 - 01/15/05 07:39 PM Re: My rock is wearing down.
Aden Offline
Member

Registered: 07/05/04
Posts: 499
People do seem to think that we ought to be able to ďjust let it go.Ē Get over it! It was a long time ago, why bring it up after all these years? Often they donít want to hear it because it reminds them of their own guilt. But for people like your loving wife I think that it is just that they donít grasp how deeply scared we are by these horrendous memories.

If she could have just one session with a trained professional who could explain the healing process to her, it might make all the difference in the world.

Just a thought.

Aden


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#1030 - 01/16/05 12:00 AM Re: My rock is wearing down.
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
It is most likely that she 'doesn't understand' what's happening to you - and herself during these difficult times. It's not something that most people learn just incase they come across a Survivor.

I know my wife struggled for a while, but the more I explained the more she understood. As long as your wife is willing to understand, and if she's supportive then I would say she is, then she will understand eventually.

It might help is you were to get a book such as Mike Lew's excellent "Victims No longer" that you could both read. The new version has a lot more for partners in it.
If you want a copy go to the 'Bookstore' link at the top of the page which takes you directly to Amazon.com. If you buy it this way MS get a small %.

That sounds like I'm just plugging the book, well it helped me and my wife enormously. ;\)

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#1031 - 01/16/05 12:04 AM Re: My rock is wearing down.
unknownsoldier Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/29/03
Posts: 105
Loc: Northwest
Its hard for people who haven't been abused to undersstand this isn't like a normal experience where you do get over it, vs. this thing that affected the shape of your world and personality. It sounds like she's trying, though. Maybe she'll understand more in time.


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#1032 - 01/16/05 06:27 AM Re: My rock is wearing down.
Branson Offline
Member

Registered: 12/20/04
Posts: 37
Loc: Seal Beach
I understand what you are feeling. My partner doesn't understand that what happened is not something I can just walk away from. I wish I could.

I don't think you are failing anything and maybe your wife needs to learn more about it? I bet there are books that talk about this and will explain it to someone who hasnt been through it.

Or maybe like my partner she should talk to a counselor about it.

_________________________
Branson

Can I trade this life for what's behind door number 2?

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