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#10074 - 01/05/07 02:12 AM Re: Should male survivors who have gone on to abuse be allowed to post?
mark250676 Offline
Member

Registered: 03/01/06
Posts: 310
Loc: England
"It will not be discussed further"

Is that a command?

_________________________
Survivor and fighter!

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#10075 - 01/05/07 02:25 AM Re: Should male survivors who have gone on to abuse be allowed to post?
Paul1959 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/17/06
Posts: 525
Loc: NYC
Trust issues are really hard for many survivors. I think in this situation, we have to work to trust these guys who know more than we do. They care enough about this place and all of us to keep MS and us safe. Various of these mods and board members have had a HUGE influence on my life in the last 7 months. Their caring and involvement came to me in some of my darkest hours. They have my debt of gratitude. I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.


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#10076 - 01/05/07 02:41 AM Re: Should male survivors who have gone on to abuse be allowed to post?
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5778
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Folks:
As a mod who has been on this board for as long as we have had a website (first as MALE then NOMSV and the last 5 yrs as MS), let me say this:

We have had these discussions many times over the years about the presence of obvious perpetrators (eg, the "boylovers" of a month or so ago), as well as heated discussions about what status someone would have if he acted out sexually with another when he was a child, teen or adult (including if the last time was a couple years ago, decades ago, etc.)

It is not helpful to bring up the debate again because experience is that it can be scary, exhausting, and other ways non-productive for many survivors. I set up "At Risk" a few years ago because there were some survivors who had either thoughts/fantasies about acting out on others, were engaging in self-defeating/destructive behaviors, or had actually abused others as children, teens or adults. It is a place to discuss these issues in the privacy of a moderated site (I check in several times a day) and feel confident that the discussion will not be visable to others and they can be open and honest.

The discussions there, in case you are wondering, are not about debauching the morals of anyone. They are more about hurting themselves and understanding what the thoughts/fantasies are in context of their own abuse.

So, my suggestion is to not get all flummoxed into some discussion about perps being around this site. The mods are very good at keeping this place safe and we either yank offending type posts (which rarely are made) or get tips from you all here when you think someone has made a statement that could trigger others or might represent a perp.

Keep the faith and work on your healing.

Ken


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#10077 - 01/05/07 04:07 AM Re: Should male survivors who have gone on to abuse be allowed to post?
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
i'm glad i got a chance to tell them what i thought of them ,before the mods wiped them out ,i dont think anybody could have done it any faster seems like the system worked as it was supposed to .

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#10078 - 01/05/07 09:41 AM Re: Should male survivors who have gone on to abuse be allowed to post?
Grunty1967b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/28/05
Posts: 823
Loc: Australia
To all the Moderators,

I (fortunately) didnít see any posts from these sickoís (that Iím aware of anyway).

It seems like it was all taken care of as swiftly possible.

Thankyou for taking care of all of us and the integrity of this site. It means so much to me.

Well done guys!


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#10079 - 01/05/07 10:12 AM Re: Should male survivors who have gone on to abuse be allowed to post?
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
I just want to echo the thoughts regarding trusting the moderators. We can help them by contacting them with any concerns we might have regarding posts or posters. We are their "eyes and ears" if you will.

Also, as a parting thought, I want to thank the moderators and the entire MS administration for all the work you do on our behalf. You guys are awesome.


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#10080 - 01/05/07 01:32 PM Re: Should male survivors who have gone on to abuse be allowed to post?
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
i guess i feel lucky i missed all of that as i worked hard to close out our year here at work and didnt have time to come here. i am glad i missed it too.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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#10081 - 01/05/07 08:56 PM Re: Should male survivors who have gone on to abuse be allowed to post?
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
does this mean the perps are getting a sexual fling out of our sufferings? if so can u please remove mine from the board?

duncan

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#10082 - 01/05/07 09:41 PM Re: Should male survivors who have gone on to abuse be allowed to post?
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Duncan, unfortunately this is the public side of the forum.
It is encouraged that you become a full member to use the member private boards.

Anything public is just that, open to anyone who has a morbid interest in hurt etc.
Unfortunately from time to time, synister members infiltrate the boards to annoy.

In the past, such members have wreaked havoc in a short time, and the other members stop posting, or stayed away.

Posts like this thread should not be allowed in member forum, as it is at least intimidating to some members on the board.

How many of us felt like perps after being hurt, guess what, most of us did.
I would be surprised if anybody did not, and it brings up trust issues etc.

Anything such as this should be taken up with the mods, and not have members distrusting each other,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#10083 - 01/05/07 09:56 PM Re: Should male survivors who have gone on to abuse be allowed to post?
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
I think Duncan is in earnest. His perp IS on this board.


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