My name is actually Mike but I decided to use SpeyDay for a screen name here. It's not really that catchy (and I'm actually a bit envious of 1AngryBadger (almost typed 1AngryBeaver...sorry) - that one is a classic (or hopefully soon to be
Anyway, spey is a type of fly fishing using two hands and longer rods that can enable greater casting distances with less effort than traditional fly fishing. It is typically used in larger water for larger fish (I'm in the northwest so it's steelhead and salmon here). Part of the residuals from my abuse were me not pursuing activities and experiences that I really wanted to - mainly out of fear and the feeling that I wasn't deserving of such simple things. Spey fishing was one of them. So a few months ago, I just decided to do it. I booked a guide, got some gear and headed out to learn how to spey cast. It sounds easy and simple enough, but for me it was a big deal because trying anything new makes me apprehensive and uncomfortable due to fear of failure. Well, I not only learned to cast, but actually enjoyed myself, didn't fail and even ended up landing a 30" hen in the last run of the day. So long story short, that "speyday" was for me was a tipping point to start moving forward and not being held back by the fears and insecurities remaining from the abuse. Thanks for asking BTW...
Along a similar line, when joining this forum, I setup my signature block with a favorite line that one of my son's used to say - To fish or not to fish? What a stupid question. - and it really is, since the answer is obvious (to me at least). But in spending time on the MS board, I noticed most other signatures I've seen are philosophical, meaningful and relevant to our (somewhat) somber conditions. To me, looking to life beyond the impacts of the abuse is important and worthy of my attention and focus. The abuse related issues have consumed so much of my life already - hope for more is motivating, refreshing and therapeutic for me. I realize that there is a great amount pain, hard work and sadness that we have all faced and will continue to, but we all deserve more than the burden and guilt and shame and I'm happy to admit that. I'm curious what others think? Is my signature inappropriate for MS?, am I making light of our serious problems by redirecting to a seemingly mindless yet fulfilling activity?, or have I lost my mind and just need to get back on the river as quickly as possible? Note: The correct answer to the last part of the question is: YES and HELL YES.
Be well, be strong and tight lines.