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Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: Isolation... by KMCINVA @ 3 minutes 1 second ago

I use to love mowing the lawn as a child and when we owned a home in CT. I remember I would start walking lines and before I knew it the front was finished. I would zone out and I guess walk repetitively up and down the yard for two or three hours.
Family and Friends
Jump to new posts Re: My husband has been using Grindr... by lovehimalways @ 14 minutes 57 seconds ago

I wish I knew what to say or help, but unfortunately I don't. However,reading your post really struck home. We have had a roller coaster of a journey but had started dating in high school. It is now 12 years later and I feel like so much has been sa
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: Flashbacks at the office -- *triggers* by lapchinj @ Today at 12:08 PM

I can usually keep myself calm from flashbacks and panic attacks by cutting whether I'm at home or at work. I carry a razor and tissues wherever I go. Sounds kinda sick but so am I. Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope <3 XOXO Jeff
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: Isolation... by lapchinj @ Today at 12:01 PM

I find the isolation as being a very safe place for me. When not at work I am in my dungeon in the basement of my house where the door is always locked. I will only go into a store if I desperately need something like shoes. I go to work and come ho
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: How long did you keep it secret? by lapchinj @ Today at 11:41 AM

I fell apart in January of 2011 when I accidently walked through Greenwich Village where I stayed in an apartment with some other kids when I was 12. I first told a friend (the only one I have) that May. He got me to the 2 episodes of the Oprah show
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: Subconsciousness vs consciousness by KMCINVA @ Today at 11:27 AM

I think I know this all too well, at least now and not when it was happening. I suffer dissociation and have learned it is a subconscious coping mechanism that protects the mind from unwanted emotions by severing a connection to individual's though
Poetry
Jump to new posts Re: Calling all angels! TRIGGERS by iaccus @ Today at 10:53 AM

There are no angels, there are no devils, just corporate criminals playing with tanks.
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: Subconsciousness vs consciousness by peroperic2009 @ Today at 10:37 AM

As I see it, the conscious part of us is rational meaning it has some wishes, knows what wants/like etc. It is something that is refereed many times in literature as "ego". While subconscious part is related to dreams, instincts and similar
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: How long did you keep it secret? by newground @ Today at 09:46 AM

the last time I was attacked was at 13 i never told anyone about the abuse that had happened earlier in my life and when the last attack happened I knew for certain I could never tell it. but as some others have described a crisis point came when my
Sexual Identity Issues
Jump to new posts Re: Straw poll part 2 by traveler @ Today at 09:39 AM

this was a tough one for me to decide. if I had the choice I would say "Straight - but with SSA complications." until I was married, the only sexual experiences I had were abusive ones with males. Since being married, the only ones have bee
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: How long did you keep it secret? by KMCINVA @ Today at 09:26 AM

I was 54 when I first told anyone of the abuse, 43/44 years after it happened, but never forgotten. It was difficult and it was my T I told. It was a little at a time. Told my now ex wife, first understanding and then, well it went down hill. The ch
Sexual Identity Issues
Jump to new posts Re: Straw poll part 2 by Nothing Man @ Today at 08:37 AM

I consider myself straight. I have had sex only with women, never with men. But I think it is clear that the CSA also made me doubt my sexuality, having been introduced to sexual activity at such a young age.
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: How long did you keep it secret? by Nothing Man @ Today at 08:30 AM

I was eight when I was raped, and I was also serially sexually molested by my mother until I was about 16. I did not officially tell anyone about the abuse until I was about 45, so I kept the secret for decades. From what I have read this is not un
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: Straw poll by Nothing Man @ Today at 08:26 AM

After I was raped I lost so much self-confidence. I became a people-pleaser and as a result suffered some bullying. That just made the lack of self-confidence even worse, and it turned into a spiraling effect that took decades to get out of. But t
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: Straw poll by traveler @ Today at 04:45 AM

my symptoms started immediately after the abuse started - becoming more shy, quiet, and withdrawn, turning inward, avoiding situations and people, etc. as the abuse continued, those symptoms were followed by skin rashes, headaches, gastro-intestina
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: How long did you keep it secret? by traveler @ Today at 04:29 AM

I kept it a secret for about 30 years from the first CSA event and 20 years from the last. I was in my mid-30s when it came out because I could no longer function and was breaking down. my wife was also very upset and hurt that I hadn't told her soo
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: How long did you keep it secret? by Tryingtolive @ Today at 03:45 AM

It's still a secret for me ...
Sexual Identity Issues
Jump to new posts Re: Straw poll part 2 by payne @ Yesterday at 11:33 PM

My answer to your straw poll was bi which is where I see myself as being although I've not acted on it. However, it is part of the toys that my wife and I enjoy together and one that I enjoy in particular in making love. She's told me that this is as
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: Flashbacks at the office -- *triggers* by unhappycamper @ Yesterday at 11:29 PM

Luther: THis sounds like another corny cognitive therapy trick, but sometimes it can get you through a FB or panic attack: Just tell yourself in words--either silently or aloud--that "That was then, and this is now." In my experience, FBs e
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: How long did you keep it secret? by payne @ Yesterday at 11:25 PM

I don't think that our we can wrap our minds around CSA at such young ages that it is understandable that these secret memories get buried. I wonder what real difference it would have made if your wife had known this earlier? I thought that I alr
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: How long did you keep it secret? by Chase Eric @ Yesterday at 11:12 PM

Very similar with almost all of us, GhostCrab. Please do not underestimate the power of secrets with CSA. Invite your wife to read some of the posts here and she may come to understand as well. I would have almost literally died if anyone knew my
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts How long did you keep it secret? by Ghostcrab124 @ Yesterday at 10:34 PM

I kept it secret for 37 years. Happened when I was 11. Just came out in a crisis in the last 6 months, but was building for several years. My wife is/was mad at me for not telling her sooner. It seems like many men hold onto/bury the secret for yea
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: Straw poll by unhappycamper @ Yesterday at 10:33 PM

My flashbacks started when I was 42, 35 years after the rape. That was also when I realized that I'd been having some of the symptoms as far back as I could remember, without knowing why.
Male Survivors
Jump to new posts Re: Straw poll by Tryingtolive @ Yesterday at 09:27 PM

Mine started around the ages of 18-24 ... It was a little bit earlier I would say... Very ... Very difficult
Sexual Identity Issues
Jump to new posts Re: Straw poll part 2 by Tryingtolive @ Yesterday at 09:25 PM

I consider myself straight ... but its very hard telling myself this ... After the messages and post I've had on here ... And the things I've acted on in the past
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